A guiding light: Virtues, Principles, and Values
There are only a few things that are going to matter at the end of your life. There have been countless interviews with people who lived long, full lives, full of adventure, tragedy, love and loss. At the end the things they thought about most were how thankful they are for their family, the regrets they had for opportunities NOT even attempted, and satisfaction that they lived a life for which they could be proud. However, if they had success form any unscrupulous means or gained any of the spoils of life through unsavory means, sitting at death’s door filled them with great remorse and desire to go back and to set things straight.
The key to getting to the finish line with your head held high is what we are going to talk about today. A more present example are the stories of all the people in the news, CEOs, COs of Navy ships, senior Government Officials, Mega-Church pastors, and those “boy (or girl) next door” celebrities who everyone thought were angels – all falling from grace in one way or another. As people gossip about these events around the watercooler, you hear things like, “how could they have been so stupid,” “She had it all, why did she throw it away? He was too smart to have done that.” On the other hand, we know very famous people, CEOs, movie stars, and others who seem to be truly good at their core. They become philanthropists or spend large portions of their life doing charitable work, or they seem to have some strong moral center and become thought leaders in one way or another. What is the difference in the two extremes – the good and the, so called, bad?
It all comes down to Values, Principles, and Virtues.
If you sure who you are and what you believe, and care about what is good and moral – then let those beliefs become your guiding light, even when times get hard – you will find your way thorough with your soul intact.
I want you to dream much bigger than you ever have and I want you to set out, climbing that mountain of success, whatever “success” means for you. The thing is, as you do – you will find challenges that you had no way of predicting. When we see our best possible self, we usually see how great everything will be when we get there. When we have any negative thoughts, it is more about our current selves or our past selves, in the form of limiting beliefs. Think about all the parents who wanted their kids to be child-stars. I am sure they thought about the money, the fame, how they could give their kids opportunities for a better future, and college money.
The sand trap they could not see was that they would lose control of their kids. In the rush to sign a contract, they essentially handed over their child to someone else who did not have their best interests at heart, and then looked the other way when their kids were acting out sexually or becoming drug addicts. I thought this was a good example, because there are certainly examples of child-stars whose parents had values, principles and were virtuous – and refused to budge. Those kids had contracts where the parents were highly engaged, had rights to protect the interests of the child, and never broke the parent-child bond. You might say the parents who traded their kids for money and fame were naive and definitely lost their way on the path, and they may have had the best intentions. However, if they were clear on their values and principles before they ever had a child, and if they had remained 100% aligned with their agreement with themselves, I’d bet they would have made different decisions.
Ok, let’s pause, and listen to what I said there again… “If they were clear on their values and principles.” I am sure that most of you think you are mostly good, or generally good, maybe a mix of good and bad. BUT – are you clear on what you stand for? What you believe in? If someone asked you point blank, to list your number one value or your number one principle — would you know it right off the top of your head?
Have you ever even considered what you believe in, what you truly stand for?
When you decide what you want in life and you decide WHY you want it, if you are on the right path – there are going to be good times when the path will feel like a wild, fun, amusement park ride. You’ll run up hills, around corners, and feel like you are flying. When things are going this well, it is going to be much easier to stick to your guiding lights. It is when you start to struggle, and you are crashing down toward the ground, that you are going to be tempted to take a short-cut, a dark-alley. It in these moments when who you are, at your core, is going to matter. If you are crystal clear on who you are and why that matters to you, when you see a detour through a dark alley, it is going to be a lot easier to stay on the better path, the right path – even if it takes a little more work. After all, what good is to win, to achieve that goal, only to feel like you compromised your soul to get there.
This is exactly why this topic is so important. I know that you are going to succeed. I have no doubt that you are going to do BIG things in your life. I am so certain, that I know in MY soul, that I could not help you get there without pausing for a moment to make sure you are absolutely clean in who you are and who you WANT to be. When you succeed, I want it to feel amazing. I want you to beam with joy, to be moved to tears because the journey was the best part. When you arrive at your winning moment, I want others to celebrate with you and to honor your servant heart. I want you to savor that success with no regrets and to know you got there fully in line with who you want to be.
The difference between virtues, principles, and values:
Virtues
Virtues describe the highest moral excellence. The definition in the dictionary says that, “a virtue is a trait or quality that is deemed to be morally good and thus is valued as a foundation of principle and good moral being.” A virtue is the opposite of a vice.
I found one resource that depicts the traceability from Virtue to Principle very well. It is from the “VIA Institute for Character,” which is a non-profit organization dedicated to bringing the science of character traits to the world. I have added the link in the show notes to this PDF, but for Character traits, they believe there are 6 foundational virtues that link to 24 Character strengths, or for the purpose of this conversation, would be considered Principles:
| VIRTUE | Related PRINCIPLES |
| Wisdom | Creativity, Curiosity, Judgement, Love of Learning, Perspective |
| Courage | Bravery, Perseverance, Honesty, Zest |
| Humanity | Love, Kindness, Social Intelligence |
| Justice | Teamwork, Fairness, Leadership |
| Temperance | Forgiveness, Prudence, Self-Regulation |
| Transcendence | Appreciation of beauty and excellence, Gratitude, Hope, Humor, Spirituality**Example from https://www.viacharacter.org/ |
Principles
I want you to think of Principles as a standard, it is something like a yard stick. It is factual, others know what it means, and it does not change. It is external to you. Principles are fundamental truths that are permanent, unchanging, and universal in nature. Stephen R. Covey compared them to lighthouses in his book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. Let’s say you are a ship in the ocean, navigating your way into port after a great adventure on the high seas, you will be looking for the direction you need to go. Lighthouses, or principles, are concrete clues to let you know where you currently are and if you are on the right path. Lighthouses along the coast will provide you with that guidance, warn you of danger, and help you find your way.
Values
Values are internal beliefs that are based on Principles, but they demonstrate your alignment to the principle. Values are internal to you. For instance, if I state that Fairness is one Principle my business aligns to, then I might also say I value diversity and inclusion by ensuring that I represent a wide community of women who desire to discover and design the life of their dreams. Values are how we behave, they are subjective and they may change over time.
How to define your values:
- What’s important to you in life?
- If you could have any career, without worrying about money or other practical constraints, what would you do?
- When you’re reading news stories, what sort of story or behavior tends to inspire you?
- What type of story or behavior makes you angry?
- What do you want to change about the world or about yourself?
- What are you most proud of?
- When were you the happiest?
Today the action I want you to take that will set you up for success is to take time to consider what matters to you most. What Virtues and Principles you want to align yourself with and make a priority? Once you have decided that, what are the values that will use to light your path as you develop your life plan?
I suggest you develop a personal “Mission Statement” that includes the Virtues, Principles and Values that matter to you most. Use it as a lighthouse when you have difficult decisions to make or when you are struggling with advice from mentors or your own personal goal strategy.
I have developed a Mission Statement activity sheet that will walk you through the process step by step. Go to the show notes and the link to the mission statement worksheet will be there waiting for you.
Grab your worksheet here!
Life is a long and winding road, and it is easy to get off track and even lose your way. When you are in the arena, doing the hard jobs with your head down, in the hustle and bustle of everyday life – this is when you might go astray. You might even have a good reason or intention when you do. If you craft a personal mission statement and refer to it as you create annual goals, you will remain focused on what is really important to you. There will still be numerous paths that are aligned with what matters to you most. So, don’t be afraid to pass on a path that feels in conflict with your soul. You are a genuine driven woman, which means you are not looking to succeed at all costs, you want to find success you can be proud of, success that came the right way and is in aligned with a moral path. You are off to a good start, complete your mission statement – update it occasionally – then finish strong!
SHOW NOTES:
Life is a long and winding road. When you are in the arena, doing the hard jobs with your head down, in the hustle and bustle of everyday life – this is when you might go astray. If you craft a personal mission statement — aligned to your values — and refer to it as you create annual goals, you will remain focused on what is really important to you. This episode will guide you to define your values and draft a personal mission statement. Use this mission statement in your goal development.
Ready to write your own mission statement?
Grab the companion worksheet to write your personal mission statement here!
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